Turn on ESPN any night and you will hear "expert" analysis on college basketball.  These analysts repeat many phrases over the year.  They talk about how certain teams rebound well, some teams shoot the three well, and quirky teams seem to do all the little things.  What they always seem to come back to, when doing general analysis, is how hard it is to win on the road.  In particular, this talk reaches a fever pitch during conference season.  The question remains, is it really that hard to win on the road in conference?

Our eyes tell us yes.  We watch our favorite team lose to a less talented team on the road, and everything we've heard on the analyst's shows rings true.  We lose a bet when a sub-par team holds serve at home against a quality team.  We're continually bombarded by talk of road victories being very hard to come by, but we have to be careful when listening to our eyes some times.

The bottom line: is it all true?  Well, fortunately we can look at the numbers and make a reasonable argument one way or another.  To do this, we'll look at the conference home records of the six major (BCS) conferences for the 2009-2010 season (through 02/17).  Here are the home winning percentages, by conference, for the season thus far.

In this case, the statistics tell all.  Looking at the home win percentages we see that five of the six major conferences are right at, or above, 65% in home winning percentage.  This says in a college season that sees about 8 conference games at home, the average team can expect to go 5-3 or 6-2 in these contests.  That's a pretty solid figure, and it says that it is truly difficult to win on the road.

It is interesting that the Big Ten stands out with the 58% home winning percentage.  What does this say about the Big Ten?  Well, the teams are, on average, pretty evenly matched.  In addition, watching one Big Ten game is like watching every Big Ten game all season.  The pace of play in Big Ten games is typically slow, grind-it-out type play.  Case in point, Wisconsin-Minnesota is on in the background and the score is 14-8 with 12 minutes to go in the first half.  If that held up, there would be a 47-27 finish.  Yes, I know that's a ridiculous leap to make, but most of the Big Ten games you see are played in the low to mid 60's.  This results in games that are close at the end, allowing a road team to make a couple of key shots, or get a couple of key stops, and escape with a victory.

The analysts seem to be right this time.  In the major six NCAA basketball conferences, the home teams have a combined 65.8% win percentage at home in conference.  With over 400 games played, we can assume this is a significant statistical figure.  If you bet the home team to win every conference match up you could expect to win two of every three bets you make.  More importantly, what this really tells us is that when your team goes on the road an secures a win in January and February it should be a cause for celebration, no matter the opponent.

You wouldn't think it, but we get hundreds (if not thousands) of emails a week from StadiumDrives.com readers. Some of them tell us how great we are, others how bad we are. Often, we'll get tips of stories. Sometimes, sites will even let us know that they stole our work, it was a hit on their site and thank us. Others just write in for advice or have questions about their life. I decided to give the old inbox a cleaning and pick out some of the best (and worst) emails.*

Do you not get the message? I haven't called or texted you back in months. Please, for the love of everything that is good and holy, leave me the (expletive) alone. - (Name withheld) (Location irrelevant)

Oh... um, how did that get in there? Moving on.

Some of my friends keep telling me I'm cheating at Words With Friends because I use websites that tell me big words to play and tell me where to play the move. I'm not cheating. I can't cheat... I'm a man of the cloth! - Richard G., Lexington, KY

Look, Mr. Minister, you are cheating. It must be your incessant need to never lose that's making you cheat, but if you use anything other than your own mind to get a word, you're cheating. Sure, Words With Friends lets some very questionable words in play, but those are the rules. At the very least, we can live by an honor system that we won't use the internet to aid us. Also, while we're on the subject, here's a little Words With Friends etiquette. If you make the last move in a game, you automatically start the new game. If you won the previous game, you let the loser go first, it's just the right thing to do. Don't be the guy who beats the hell out of someone and then takes the Double Word score on your first play. That's just not nice, especially if you're a man of the cloth.

The refs stole the gam from us! I through a Coke at one of em and almost got him! (Expletive) the Wildcats and (same expletive) Demarkus Cusins! - Randy Randall, Starkville, MS

Good job! For your next trick, you should do the world a favor and throw a full bottle of Coke at your penis as hard as you can. Keep doing this until you pass out from the pain. Hopefully at that point, you will have done enough damage so that you can't ever have children and there will be one less mouthbreather in the world.

More emails if you follow along after the jump.

Last night the nation witnessed one of the worst displays in sports, and it's a real shame. The game was hard fought on the court and the stage was set for a great college basketball atmosphere... until the Mississippi State crowd got involved.

I suggest MSU Athletic Director Greg Byrne writes a letter of apology to the University of Kentucky basketball team, each individual player, every UK fans and anyone who subscribes to ESPN apologizing for being unable to keep his crowd under control.

Why? Basic human decency!

There's a certain expectation when an opposing team walks into an arena as visitors that they will be kept safe and not subjected to angry mobs wielding airborne projectiles.

The MSU fans should be ashamed of themselves. It's one thing to taunt players, yelling at them from the stands, but to throw full water bottles onto the playing surface is disgraceful and should never be tolerated. Blame the loss on whatever you want, but no MSU fan should get angry before taking a long, hard look in the mirror today.

Kentucky goes in to Starkville tonight to battle the home team Bulldogs.  Here's what to watch for in a late Tuesday night game.

• Kentucky will break a three game losing streak to MSU.  Let's get the prediction out of the way.  Mississippi State has a lot to play for tonight.  They were expected to run away with the SEC West and thus far they have not played quite up to expectations.  MSU is 6-4 in conference, putting them at the top of the West with Arkansas, but many believed them to be in contention for the overall league title in the preseason.  Look for MSU to try to take a step toward that goal by knocking off first place Kentucky tonight.  I don't see it happening and think UK pulls off a close 78-74 game on the road.
• Jarvis Varna(r)do will block several shots but not foul out.  Every time Kentucky plays MSU I hear the same things from fans.  "If we can get a couple early fouls on Varnado we'll be okay."  This has not been the story in Varnado's previous games against Kentucky.  Varnado is possibly the greatest shot blocker to ever play college basketball and this is because he is tall, long, and has unparalleled timing.  This last point is why Varnado doesn't typically get into a lot of foul trouble.  The first two aspects give him the ability to stay on the floor until the last moment.  His height and length put him in a position to play the shot and not the possibility of a shot.  Most shot blockers anticipate the shot, time their jump, and then go after the ball aggressively.  Varnado has the luxury of sitting back and waiting for the shot to come out before getting off the floor quickly and altering its trajectory.  This is why he doesn't get in foul trouble as early as most big men.  It also means head fakes are not as successful as they are against other bigs.  Kentucky would do well to give it to Cousins early to try to draw some body fouls against the big man.  If that fails, getting Wall and Bledsoe to drive and dish at the rim could be their most effective weapon.
• DeMarcus Cousins will rebound from his 5 point performance and shut MSU fans up.  Even with Varnado guarding Cousins, I think he will have a big game tonight.  Varnado dominates a lot of post players by giving them space.  This allows him to use his length to avoid body fouls and still reject several shots.  Cousins is relentless in drawing body contact on the inside.  While I doubt Varnado will allow Cousins to use his body to draw a lot of early fouls, I think that Cousins will be able to use his body enough to keep Varnado out of good shot blocking position.  Also, look for Cousins to try to use the spin move to get to the other side of the rim to finish (the penetrating guards will use this technique as well).  When you go across the rim for the finish you effectively put the defensive player "in jail" (as Rick Pitino would call it) and do not allow him to come get the blocked shot.

So there you have it.  Just a couple of keys to the game.  Look for MSU to shoot a lot of threes and look for Kentucky's guards to have big rebounding nights.  If UK doesn't control the defensive glass on the long rebounds my 78-74 score may not hold up; or it may end up being in the Bulldogs' favor.

FWP (Fearless Weekend Predictions) is a (hopefully) weekly post that we used to run at our old site every Friday after college football season. It gives one of your favorite StadiumDrives writers a chance to look into the crystal ball, or the bottom of a beer bottle, to see what the forthcoming weekend holds. It's also another post that will utilize the efficiency of bullet points. As always, please take all picks as novelty and do not gamble your rent check on them, unless you feel really strongly about a certain one.

Most people are freaking out because there's no football this weekend. Alas, my friends, there is more going on than most of us know what to do with. First off, the Winter Olympics start tonight!!! Okay, no one gives a shit about the Winter Olympics. But, it is NBA All-Star Weekend, which is a favorite of Bru and I. The Daytona 500 is on Sunday, which just happens to be Valentine's Day. Nothing says love like warm Budweiser and the smell of exhuast. Most importantly, ESPN and their Gameday crew are descending on Lexington for the UT/UK game tomorrow night. With the allegiances of most of the writers on this site, this is an absolutely huge game. I guess the #12 and #2 teams in the country is also big on the national scale, but we pride ourselves on being myopic at StadiumDrives.com! I'm pretty sure the word myopic was used for the first time on the site, so I'm going to head on to the prognosticating.

• I'm going to do the John Wall Dance all weekend. Hell, I do that every weekend, that's no surprise. But, it's a great way to put a pic of John Wall up and still make you read this whole thing to see my prediction on the UT/UK game.
• People at Gameday will be bored as hell. Have you ever gone to watch a TV show being taped? Yeah, me neither. It sounds incredibly boring, which is why I won't be going to Rupp tomorrow to watch Gameday. It's going to look a hell of a lot better on a plasma screen than it will from Section 32 and there will be something to do during the commercials. Good for all you people going though, you obviously have less going on than I do.
• US Soccer nerd should feel compelled to watch the Olympics. Granted, no one cares about the Winter Olympics. I'd rather watch Gameday from the rafters in Rupp Arena, but follow me here. The argument that I get all the time from soccer nerd is that I should be watching (and supporting) US Soccer. It doesn't matter that they suck, are irrelevant and are boring; soccer nerd says it's unpatriotic of me not to. Well, soccer nerd, use your same logic on the Olympics. No one cares about the luge team, but you should be supporting or you're unpatriotic. And, for the record, I'm cheering for Cameroon in the World Cup.
• Gerald Wallace will win the Slam Dunk Contest. You may not know Gerald Wallace, but this dude has been balling all season long. He's getting 19 points and 11 boards a game, and was named an All-Star for the first time. He's also leading the Bobcats to the NBA Playoffs for the first time, which is about as rare as a soccer nerd getting laid. All that will pale in comparison to winning the Slam Dunk Contest Saturday night.
• NASCAR will blow its load the first weekend of the season (again). Yes, the Daytona 500 is Sunday. The Daytona 500 is the biggest race of the year. The Daytona 500 is the first race of the year. This makes no sense. I heard Tony Stewart on the radio the other day explaining this. He said that the race being at the beginning of the season is better because the racers weren't as tired as they are at the end of the season. He didn't appear to be kidding, but he would have made more sense if he was. Who cares if you're fresh or not? Was Drew Brees fresh after being tackled for 20 straight weeks by 400 lb. linemen? No, I'm sure he would have rather been DRIVING A CAR EVERY WEEKEND. Give me a damn break. NASCAR needs to move the Daytona 500 to the end of the season, if for nothing else but credibility's sake. For the record, I'm picking Jimmie Johnson to win because he wins everything.
• Wolfman will make you really confused. Have you seen these previews? I saw a few and kept wondering, "Why the hell is Tommy Chong starring in this movie?" Apparently, it's not Tommy Chong, but Anthony Hopkins. That makes a little more sense, but I do wonder when Tommy Chong and Anthony Hopkins started looking alike. Please look here and here and tell me I'm not crazy. Also, check out Emily Blunt in this movie. She's super hot and is absolutely the "Hot girl in movie coming out this week that is getting her picture up on FWP." (Good job, Jim from The Office.)
• UK is going to beat UT. I watched both teams play on Tuesday night and they both appeared to be looking ahead to this game. Neither team played very well, but UK got a win against an overmatched Alabama team while UT ran into a Vanderbilt team that desperately needed a win. It should have been expected that they both play poorly the game before the game that's getting the most hype of any game on their schedules. The entire nation will have its eye on Lexington Saturday night. Which team will respond? I say Kentucky. Tennessee seems like a team on the brink to me. They looked completely out of sync Tuesday night. If UK can get up early, say 12-3, Tennessee is a prime candidate to completely implode. What the hell, UK 89 UT 77.

Over the past two years people have talked (at length) about which sport has the most athletic players.  Recently, the talk generally spirals into a discussion of how Lebron James would be a Pro Bowl tight end.  I can't argue against that after the success that Antonio Gates has had in the NFL.  Lebron is much more athletic than Gates, and has the type of frame that any GM would love to have lining up in the slot against NFL linebackers.

Professional sports are one thing, but let's take the talk down to the NCAA level.  Further, let's assume that there are no time constraints on your players.  Classes don't take time out of their day (not so far from the truth) and let's allow that practices and functions required for a player to play two sports would be workable.  So the question is, who on your favorite college basketball team would you put on the football team and who would you take off the gridiron and place on the hardwood?

At the University of Kentucky it's a hard choice to decide on a player to move from the football team to the basketball team.  The major reason being that the basketball roster is absolutely ludicrous now that John Calipari is the head coach.  But this is just a hypothetical, so let's give it a shot.

My first thought was Aaron Boyd.  The sophmore stands 6'4", weighs 210 pounds, and is a tremendous athlete.  He also played 5 years of varsity basketball in high school at Henry Clay.  Boyd was All District and All Region while also earning honorable mention for All State and being a McDonald's All American nominee (which actually doesn't mean as much as it sounds).  The only problem I have with Boyd is the same one I have with him on our football team.  Aaron was hyped coming out of high school as a huge recruit for Kentucky, but he has yet to produce on the field.  This is mostly due to his lack of playing time which has been cited on more than one account to work ethic and attitude.  I would like to think this is only because the young man is still maturing, but as much of a distraction as he could be on a large football roster he could potentially be a larger one on a small 15 man basketball squad.

The player I would take from the football team to the basketball team is also a tremendous athlete.  No surprise there, but the reason I would take this player is the exact reason Boyd didn't make the cut.  If I had to transpose one player to the UK basketball team it would be Randall Cobb.  Cobb would be an odd position player.  Standing only 5'11" and weighing in at 190, Cobb would likely need to play point guard or some spot duty at shooting guard.  Randall was an All District basketball player as a high school junior in Alcoa, TN and ran multiple races in track.  He's got the athleticism to compete on a basketball team, but he gets the nod because he's a tremendously hard worker and finds ways to get things done on the football field.  Cobb is not the biggest or faster player on the field in football, but he always makes plays in the clutch and has a knack for being in the right spot when he needs to be.  This transitions extremely well to basketball where a player that will fight for the ball, play good defense, and know where to be at all times can be very helpful to a team full of star players.

With all the gifted basketball players on UK's roster it is hard to pick one to take over to football.  Many would possibly say John Wall, citing the Freshman's 6'4", 195 pound frame and lighting quickness as ideal for a wide out position.  Eric Bledsoe could similarly take over a position at wide out for the Cats football team, but the guy I would love to see on the grid iron is DeMarcus Cousins.  At 6'11" and 260 lbs., Cousins would be a beast going over the middle off the tight end position.  He may not have tremendous speed to blow past even linebackers, but just the fact that he could go up for a high ball over the middle, using his tremendous frame to shield the defender off, would make him useful on short third down plays and on the goal line.  DeMarcus has also shown amazing footwork and spectacular hands in his Freshman season for the Cats baskeball team.  Both of these things are important for a good tight end.  Cousins seems to have attitude problems at times; however, as it has been previously stated, this is less of an issue on a 60 man roster. 

So there you have it; my picks for pushing players back and forth between the major sports at the college level.  They may not be ideal, but it is interesting to think of how players would transition to another sport.  Have thoughts on your own favorite teams switching players?  Sound off in the comments.

Tired of reading Super Bowl recaps? You've come to the right place...

Here's the dilemma: think of your team's biggest rival. Whether it's in-state or a border rivalry, it's always the first game you find when the schedule is released, it's the one or two games every year that have the ability to salvage an otherwise crummy season. But, what happens when your biggest rival hits the skids for a few years and falls off the national landscape?  It's happened to Michigan/OSU (sorry Cohron), it's in danger of happening to Kentucky/Louisville (unless we're competing in translucent white suits) and it's definitely happened to my alma mater Purdue's biggest rival: Indiana.

For twenty years (1980-2000) Purdue/IU was dominated by two personalities. Gene Keady and Bobby Knight roamed the sidelines and did their best Spy vs. Spy routine for the entire time. Keady won 7 Big Ten coach of the year awards and Knight won 6 (albeit three of them before Keady ever came on the scene, ahem). One memorable moment included this inspirational speech including "I'm tired of f***ing losing to Purdue!" which I certainly can't get enough of.

But, in the last decade hit and things took a turn. Knight was out at IU, the Kelvin Sampson "era" happened and Keady retired, handing the reigns to former player Matt Painter. Painter gets a massive 2007 recruiting class and every player with a pulse flees Bloomington as quickly as possible.

Purdue took down the Hoosiers in a tough game on Thursday night. But, that was to be expected. A home game against your in-state rivals for this IU team was the biggest game of there season. In the end, the talent on the Purdue sidelines was just too much (despite their efforts to blow it) and the Boilermakers won in Bloomington for the first time in a decade. There's no feeling better than beating your rivals, but there's something sort of hollow about it. So, here's the question:

Do I want IU to be competitive again?  (more after the break)

That was it. Last night's Super Bowl was the last meaningful football game (except the ones you play on PS3) for seven months. Let that soak in for a moment. March Madness is still six weeks away and the baseball season is two months away; you better start talking yourself into becoming a NASCAR fan. Before we move on too quickly from the Super Bowl and everything else that happened this past weekend, let's name some winners and losers.

• Winner: The New Orleans Saints (duh). America's new team proved all the skeptics wrong and took down Peyton Manning's Colts. The Saints really dominated the game from the 2nd quarter on. I assume Saints fans will keep the party from last night going all week as Mardi Gras starts this week. I'm sure it will be a truly productive work week for many in New Orleans.
• Loser: Peyton Manning. Tom Brady never would have thrown that ball and Charles Woodson would have definitely picked it off.
• Winner: 26 point victories. Kentucky and Tennessee both won by 26 on Saturday. Kentucky got down 6-1 to LSU, then ended the first half on a 41-8 run. As bad as LSU is, a 41-8 run against anyone is impressive. Let me say again, LSU is an AWFUL basketball team. Tennessee did what Kentucky couldn't do a few weeks ago and beat South Carolina. The Vols got 30 points from Wayne Chism who looked as if he were playing some inspired basketball. Devan Downey had 26 of South Carolina's 53 points.
• Loser: People who watched the Super Bowl for the commercials and halftime show. First off, you're a loser if you're watching a sporting event for the non-sports part. Second, the commercials were awful. There were way too many guys walking around in briefs for my taste. And as for the geezers in The Who, those guys need to stop. They weren't very good 30 years ago, and they're worse now. The censors all freaked out six years ago about Janet Jackson's boob, but I was much more offended by having to see Pete Townshend's pasty white belly every 12 seconds.
• Winner: Winter Olympics Fans. That was the last weekend before the Olympics start. How can people not be excited? I just checked, and MapQuest says that Vancouver is less than 40 hours from Lexington. If we leave tonight, we can be there in plenty of time for Opening Ceremonies on Friday night. Who's with me???

FWP (Fearless Weekend Predictions) is a (hopefully) weekly post that we used to run at our old site every Friday after college football season. It gives one of your favorite StadiumDrives writers a chance to look into the crystal ball, or the bottom of a beer bottle, to see what the forthcoming weekend holds. It's also another post that will utilize the efficiency of bullet points. As always, please take all picks as novelty and do not gamble your rent check on them, unless you feel really strongly about a certain one.

Remember FWP? Yeah, I hardly did either. I'm back in the FWP Captain's chair and it feels so good. I felt this weekend was as good as any to get this back up and going again, with it being one of the biggest weekends of the sports calendar and all. Yes, it is the weekend that the Florida Panthers head north (but not too north) to battle it out against the Atlanta Thrashers (I'm almost 50% positive they're the Thrashers) in wild NHL regular season action!!! If you can't get excited about hockey being played in the Southeast, you just don't like sports. Obviously, I'm joking. It's Super Bowl weekend. Thankfully, fourteen days of over-hyping will end Sunday night when the Colts and Saints actually play. Did you hear that Peyton Manning is from New Orleans and his dad played for the Saints for a long time? Is something wrong with Dwight Freeney's ankle? Does anyone know where Jerome Bettis is from??? Hopefully, we can get some answers to these questions before the game, but for now, let's do this.

• The Saints will win the Super Bowl. There, I went ahead and said it. The Sunday night of the Conference Championship games (about three months ago), I thought the Colts would win by double-digits. But, it just seems like God/Mitch/Buddha/fate/destiny (not the stripper)/whatever you believe in has the Saints winning this game. New Orleans needs this, or so I'm told. I'm too scared to ever go to Louisiana. If the Colts win, it's because the Saints have a parade already planned, no matter the result of Sunday's game. Um...why?
• Tennessee will lose to South Carolina and North Carolina will lose to Maryland. Yes, I'm pissing off some of my comrades here, but I call them like I see them. The Vols are playing less than 48 hours after knocking off LSU in what ended up being a closer-than-expected game. The Gamecocks will put the best guard on the floor and their big men, shockingly, actually play by the basket (I'm looking at you, Wayne Chism). North Carolina's struggles, and attempts to kill Kentucky's RPI, will continue against the Terps. Maryland is a tough place to play and no matter how bad this UNC team is, Terrapin fans will be as raucous as ever.
• Watching dogs run around will have Americans tuned in. Yes, there is apparently something called The Puppy Bowl as a precursor to the actual game. I don't know anything about this, but Grubby is a HUGE fan. Shoot him an email if you want to talk Puppy Bowl.
• Winter Olympic Fever will sweep the nation! Or not. I'd rather watch Todd McShay talk about Tim Tebow's throwing mechanics again than watch skiing/snowboarding/hockey/figure skating.
• The media will keeping making Lane Kiffin more famous. I can't quite figure out the media's obsession with Kiffin. They seem to have a disdain for everything he does, but they continue to keep his name in the news. While older people may not think he's the bees' knees, high school seniors seem to have an affinity for him. All the guy did was bring in two top-ten recruiting classes on Wednesday. The big news now is that he took a verbal commitment from a 7th grader. Um, he did the same thing last year at Tennessee. No one made such a big deal about it then. That right there should tell everyone that USC is a better job than UT.
• Amanda Seyfried will look sexy in Dear John. Hopefully, no one reading this will have to see it. Seyfried is super hot in Big Love, and I'm sure she'll be hot in this crappy movie, too. But, I won't be going to see it...(checking to see if there's a topless scene)...Nope, I won't be going to see it.
• White people will get in the game for UK against LSU. You know what that means, Kentucky will have to be up big. LSU is absolutely awful and can't win a game in a very mediocre SEC West. There were about 47 people in attendance last night to watch them get beat by UT. That can only mean there will be thousands of people decked out in blue and doing the John Wall Dance in Baton Rouge tomorrow. The Cats will get up big early and the Tigers will give up. The Cats will win big and you can expect a lot of Harrellson, Hood and maybe even a Krebs sighting.

This time of year, everyone has awards on their mind.  The NFL has the Pro  Bowl (recently moved to before the Super Bowl!), every college basketball analyst and commentator is mentioning Player of the Year honors, the Winter Olympics are just around the corner and everyone can expect Josh Cohron to write daily about the happenings in Vancouver.

Yes, I know the introduction is a bit of a stretch but I couldn't come up with a better transition to what I am introducing as 'Sports Superlatives.'  Everyone remembers voting for Most Attractive, Most Likely to Succeed and Best All-Around for their high school yearbook.  We will be doing the same thing only for the sports world with a loose connection to high school life.

Why did I pick the first part of February to introduce Sports Superlatives?  It is close to Valentine's Day, I have no date and I feel alone and inadequate.  High school was the last time I had a real girlfriend and my senior year I was voted Most School Spirit.

Enough with the bad introductions...here we go.

Most Likely to Lie about Homework

- Urban Meyer: Congrats to Coach Meyer for successfully informing the world of his resignation from Florida only to have a change of heart, take a leave of absence, be magically healed and inform everyone he will be coaching during spring practice.  If only Tim Tebow had used his healing powers to change Carlos Dunlap's BAC, maybe they could have beaten Alabama.

Most Likely To Ditch His Prom Date After Taking Her Virginity

- Lane Kiffin: When Kiffin bolted after one year from Tennessee, the entire fan base was angry, hurt and confused.  Kiffin is the equivalent to the leather jacket wearing bad boy on one of those Lifetime movies that the innocent high school girl falls for.  She gives up her virginity on the back of this guy's motorcycle only to be dumped a few days later.  She finds peace at the end of the movie when discovering her ex-boyfriend has herpes, couldn't ride his father's coattails anymore, got a fat girl pregnant, flunked out of school, lost highly recruited kids to UCLA and lost the ability to speak in a tragic motorcycle accident.

Most Likely to Become a Serial Killer

- Cole Aldrich: Every time I see this guy on TV all I can think is Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Say you were in the middle of Texas, bleeding, lying on the ground, having already lost an arm. Would you really be surprised if the guy standing over you with a chainsaw unveils himself to be Cole Aldrich?  Of course not.  He just has that look.  Don't be surprised when it happens.

Most Athletic

- Lebron James: Who did you expect to win this award?  The kind of fat kid at your crappy rural high school who threw for 3 TDs in the high school football state semi-finals that remains the greatest moment in your sorry town's pathetic existence.  No.  Grow up, pay attention to the real world of sports and stop pretending like anyone from your town is remotely athletic.

Most School Spirit

- Bruce Pearl: Anyone willing to dress like that just to support their school must win the award.

Most Likely to be Mistaken for an Ugly Woman (Tie)

- Phil Mickelson: Nobody else had man boobs like that.  Honestly, some drunk guy, somewhere will or has made that mistake.

- 'The Man Flower' on American Idol Monday night: Just watch the video, that's all I can say.

Person We're Hoping Is Most Likely to Get Pregnant the Summer After Her Senior Year

- Holly Rowe: I don't know who would sleep with her (maybe the sort of fat QB from your high school) but at least it would get her off High Def TV for a few months.

photo credit thebiglead.com