FWP: The John Hughes Edition E-mail
Written by Josh Cohron   
Friday, 07 August 2009 12:44

crystal-ball

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

It has been an interesting summer of celebrity deaths. Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon all passed away within a week of one another. But, yesterday's passing of John Hughes hit a lot closer to home for me. As great as Michael Jackson was, I can't say I was ever a huge fan of his. By the time I was born, Farrah Fawcett's run as the most beautiful woman in the world had come to an end. And, my earliest memories of Ed McMahon were of him dropping off enormous checks to people. John Hughes played a big role in my life. Home Alone is still one of my favorite movies ever. When I was a junior in college, my VHS copy of it was in my VCR (remember those, kids?) from October until the next August. My pickup line with the ladies was, "Hey baby, want to go upstairs and watch Home Alone?" It worked... twice. Anyway, we'll take quotes from six of Hughes' best films (Home Alone, Home Alone 2, Vacation, European Vacation, Christmas Vacation and Ferris Bueller's Day Off) that he wrote and apply them to the predictions from the weekend.

  • "Closed? Uh, they don't close Florida." They may start thinking about closing Florida if Dominique Ferguson's commitment to Florida International is any indication. Just a quick reminder, Isiah Thomas is the coach at FIU. Also, Ferguson is Scout.com's #16 overall prospectin the class of 2010 and used to be committed to Kentucky. This is absolutely insane. Thomas is the same person who made the CBA go bankrupt, tried to ruin the Raptors and the Knicks and was the center of a heinous sexual harassment suit while with the Knicks. He sounds like a great guy to be coaching and molding 18-22 year olds. There is no way this ends well for ANYONE involved. Let's all pray for Dominique this weekend.
  • "We know, Dad. Big Ben... Parliament."Let this serve as your obligatory, "College football is only four weeks away!" notice. Only four more weeks until we wake up with Corso, scream at the television at people who are a thousand miles away, ask God to bless America and everything in between. It's only four weeks, we can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel.
  • "Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"This is from Bud Selig to David Ortiz. Honestly, why is Ortiz dragging this out for ten days? The tests came out last week and with the way the sports media, the story could have been dead by now, but Big Papi wants to have a press conference tomorrow. What is he going to say that every other steroid user hasn't already said? That he didn't mean to? That his supplements were tainted? That he didn't know? That he doesn't speak English? That he doesn't want to talk about the past? We've heard all of them, let's just stop talking about steroids... please?
  • "Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs..."Speaking of steroids, congratulations, Rashard Lewis! Apparently, Lewis was busted for a supplement that helps with fatigue, whatever. Who would have thought that Lewis was on steroids? The dude is like 6'10" and weighs about 200lbs. If he was actually taking steroids, they must not have been very good. He barely looks thicker than an Ethiopian starving child. The more amazing thing is that someone failed an NBA drug test that didn't involve marijuana.
  • "You guys give up yet? Or are you thirsty for more?" Am I the only one who feels like Tiger Woods is about to go on a run at the end of the year? He won last weekend at the Buick, and is just five strokes out this weekend. Even if he doesn't win this weekend, he is looking like the clear favorite next weekend at the PGA Championship.Thankfully, that would be his only major of the year so Brubaker would still owe me two cars. I also get to put up pictures of Tiger's wife, Elin, whenever he is mentioned on the site.
  • "My tie is in the bathroom and I can't go in because Uncle Frank is taking a shower. He says that if I walked in there and saw him naked I'd grow up never feeling like a real man." This quote has nothing to do with anything, it just made me crack up when I read it. John Hughes was a pop culture icon and his works will live on for generations upon end. His movies are timeless classics and we should all take a minute this weekend to remember John Hughes and the impact he had on our lives. Also, the movies by quote in order: Vacation, European Vacation, Christmas Vacation, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Home Alone and Home Alone 2. But, I'm guessing you already knew that.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. It's summer so go sit by a pool and enjoy your favorite cold beverage. You've only got four weeks until college football will take up your entire Saturday.

Comments (1)Add Comment
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written by Bru, August 11, 2009
the Home Alone line worked twice? Watching it with Boldt and John with the door closed doesnt count

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